Reflections
I don’t know how to make the URL in my old journal an active link. Hopefully you have simply figured out how to get here from there.
I don’t know if I’m just melancholy after coming back to Boston from Indiana, but I have spent this entire morning reassessing my desire to be a librarian. It is a nice work environment, it is very relaxed and not exceptionally hard, but I think I would grow bored with it. Three weeks into working here (I am at the library, I just don’t start working until Nine o’clock) and I’m already bored. My days are four hours long, and I can’t fathom working a full day. “How tedious!” I think to myself.
Sometimes I think I only want to work a job like this one because it requires a graduate degree, as if by having an MA (then PhD) will be the ultimate testament to my intelligence. As if it would be undeniable proof that I am an extremely smart person. Not that I think that in itself is remarkable, because there are millions of very smart people. Some of those people, as a matter of fact, are incredibly smart without even a BA/BS. One of my best friends has to be the smartest man I know, and not having a degree doesn’t change my opinion of his intelligence one iota.
I am insecure. That is the only conclusion I can come to, or, at least, that is a factor in the conclusion I have come to. Do I want a graduate degree because I need it for the path I want to walk in life, or do I need it to feel validated?
